Maladie De Coeur

The clock is pointing at 01.00 am and here i am still widely awake. Can't sleep yet. Think it's probably my green tea latte keep me this way. I've been thinking so much lately and well, when was the time i didn't think? I'm thinking all the time, that's how my brain works. It won't stop, just like the ticking clock.
I was about to touched 13 when they had their quarrel on Sunday early morning. That was my very first time and last to saw them argued while i was like a midget watching my both hand being contested so hardly. Dad was holding my right wrist and mom was on the right. I just stood there between the two adults, crying desperately, didn't really understand about the problem. It was quite stunned for a young little girl to watched over the situation there. It was my very first shocking therapy for girl at my age.
Dad conceded,ultimately. Mom scored off. As soon as dad left, she easily made me stopped crying and euthanized me on my bunk as if nothing happened that day.
I felt like dreaming, at one blast felt sad and had a large amount of fear within. I thought it was just a nightmare and supposed to be gone by the time i opened up my eyes. But in fact, it was even worst than nightmare. Life had forced me to grew up in my younger age.
I began to had some blackout after it. I would named it as a heart disease. The one that won't stop bleeding inside, the rusty one. I was quite frustated to witnessed about their worthless and loveless relationship. A broken child who felt homeless. But however i was smart enough to figured a way to kept them living apart. So i made some trouble at school. I remember when i dangerously failed my subjects so both of them inevitably must came to met the principal and starting to be more concerned about their daughter. I intentionally did silly things just to had their attention. What a miserable way to brought them up when things didn't work out. But it still didn't work at all. Even a suicide thing crossed my mind but somehow i didn't have guts for it. I'm not quite sure what made me went through those times.
And time goes by, here i am, walking down my path, trying not to give up on life. Maybe i will never understand, maybe i don't want to understand. I'll just live it that way. I believe that time will tell. Perhaps..

Reminisce My Old Flame

You know,i used to be a very simple person before i started to be a complex one. I always thought i had the answer through everything but as time goes by, i've learned that life ain't that easy, life ain't that simple. Life doesn't always come our way. It's way more tough and beyond what we're looking forward. I remember the time when i was 16 on my senior high school. I met a boy called Pete. At that time, i was new at school 'coz i just moved in to the mothertown with my family. Soon, we became friends and felt so into each other. I felt like he was the missing part of me. Basically, we had something in common.

We grew up in a family who didn't end up well so we were definitely getting to the point of each other. He allowed me saw things from his point of view. I gotta say that he had taught me lot of things and i never had a chance to thanked him. I do miss an old flame of mine sometimes. I miss the time when he walked me home. He used to turned off his motorcycle engine and chose to walked beside me around the block. I miss the time when we were speeding fast on highway, through the wind, through the time and through the loneliness we had.

We did some stupid and crazy things together, quite extreme for teenagers but we had no fear at all, indeed. We went through hard times before separated by impossibility. I would never be able to forget the time when we hang up on phone all night long, chatting, joking and even crying together regreting about reality in our life. People just didn't understand about us. They kept talking but we tried not to care at all. We promised not to gave up on life. We promised we must lived well no matter how hard life's gonna be. Maybe someday if we meet in coincidence, if fate confront us, if time let us in, we'll know and understand about life, about love, eventually.

My first blog *sigh*

Well,it's my first blog here,12 february 2010,on Friday,exactly two days before Valentine and Chinese New Year. It's kinda coincidence and somehow sounds bizzare to have both on the same time. Nevertheless, i casually still feel cool at all. I'm new here so maybe it takes some time for me to explore more about this blog. I love writing anyway. I started it since i was in a primary school, can't hardly remember when was the exact date but i'm pretty sure it was my first time to wrote about family stuff when the teacher asked everyone did the task. I always dream to write a book and if i'm lucky enough, perhaps i would find publisher out there. Yeahh, someday i hope so. I'll catch you up later. Promise i'll post and share stories soon, won't take long.